Beautifully Broken ....

Painting:  Beautifuly Broken by Rufus Faulk

Today I am feeling an discomfort within my heart of hearts.  I am uncomfortable and feel as though there is a shaking going on within my spirit. 

Dear Lord Jesus, you are the father of all, the creator of all, the controller of all.  You are my heart, my soul and my strength.  You know what needs to be done here.  I am completely blind as to what to do, where to go or what to be.  Deep within, I know that you do and so I come to you now. 

Ok, ok, ok ... knowing you, Lord, the way that I do, knowing your voice the way that I have come to know your voice,  I hear you. "This is exactly the place that you are supposed to be.  This is called trust and a deepening of your faith." Yep, it's a test.

Please forgive my impatience.  Your timing is not my timing. Please forgive my sense of frustration because I know that this is a sign that I am not trusting you to deliver me as you have done time and time again. Forgive my anger because that signals that there are unresolved forgiveness issues lurking in my spirit.

Just who exactly am I angry at?  I am not angry at you Lord because you led me to this place of revelation and given me a desire to come closer to you.  I can’t be angry at you because I know that it was nobody but you that brought out of the land of Egypt without asking for anything in return but my devotion to your will and your way.  Please help me to be less like the chosen people that wasted so much time complaining that they could not see the blessing of freedom that they were given. 

If I am angry, I am asking that you deliver me now in your precious name, Jesus.  Cover me with your blood and wash me clean of any and all sin and iniquity.  Relieve me today of this burden.  

Whoa! I can feel you right now with me.  I feel the Holy Ghost.  Lord, I love you.  When I call you come running.  When I need you, I can just turn my head, think a certain thought and you are there. I can declare that I cannot operate, do or think without you and I can feel you.  Dear sweet Jesus forgive me for not seeing from time to time.

I ask you Lord to deliver me from being angry at self and to realize that this is indeed a trick of the enemy.  He is trying to keep me discouraged and upset about it all when there really is no need to be.  The devil is making an attempt to blackmail me with an old life, a past that I have been delivered from. He is doing his best to make me feel bad about a life of incompleteness and failure that I have already been delivered from. The slate has been wiped clean by the blood, by the grace of God, by the Holy Ghost that dwells in me. I am indeed a new creature created to follow, obey and work in the Kingdom of God.  I preach the gospel and lead others toward what I have found in God’s loving embrace.

 

The truth of the matter is that I am feeling like a whining child that can’t have what I want when I want.  Today I am really feeling beautifully broken. Jesus, this is such a period of minimal trust. Thank you for giving me new eyes to see. Strengthen me now, Lord.  I know you hear me.  Strengthen me now to rely upon you completely.  Continue to move me out of your way so that you may increase within me.  So that I can be all that you have purposed me to be.  I am your champion.  I am a strong soldier in your divine army.  I am that prayer warrior, that Evangelist that writes the words that you direct me to write for your people.  I am your messenger.  Today I am beautiful. Today I am broken. Today is the day you put the pieces back together again.

So, I have said all of this to say:

The devil is a liar. There is no truth in him.

#soulwriter, #gracefulaging, #whatithoughtwassojustaint

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